Clear Eyes Kind Hearts

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You Have a Meeting Coming Up

Whether it’s your first IEP meeting, an annual review, a 504 planning session, or a conversation about concerns, walking into a room full of school staff can feel intimidating.

You’re not expected to be an expert. You’re expected to be your child’s parent – the person who knows them best outside of school walls.

This page helps you prepare so you can advocate effectively, ask the right questions, and leave with clarity about what happens next.

Before the Meeting: Preparation Steps

1. Put your request in writing

If you’re requesting a meeting (rather than responding to the school’s invitation), send an email:

“I am requesting a meeting to discuss [specific concern] for my child, [child’s name], who is in [grade/teacher’s name]. Please let me know available dates and times. I would like [list anyone you want present, if applicable] to attend.”

Keep it simple. You don’t need to explain everything in the request email – save details for the meeting.

2. Gather your documentation

Bring:

• Work samples showing the struggle (homework, tests, assignments with teacher feedback)
• Notes from previous meetings or conversations
• Any outside evaluations or medical information you want to share
• Report cards and progress reports
• Notes about what you’ve observed at home

Organization matters less than having the information. Even a messy folder is better than relying on memory alone.

3. Write down your main concerns

What are you most worried about? What patterns are you seeing?

Examples:

• “Reading homework that should take 15 minutes takes 2 hours with tears”
• “Teacher says he’s not turning in work, but he insists he is”
• “She’s anxious every morning and doesn’t want to go to school”
• “Math skills seem significantly behind classmates”

Be specific. “He’s struggling” is vague. “He can’t decode multisyllabic words and guesses based on first letter” is specific.

4. Identify your goals

What do you want to happen as a result of this meeting?

Examples:

• Evaluation to determine if there’s a learning disability
• 504 plan with specific accommodations
• Behavior plan to address emotional outbursts
• More communication between home and school
• Clarity on what interventions have already been tried

Knowing your goal helps you stay focused when the conversation gets overwhelming.

5. Bring a support person (optional but powerful)

You can bring:

• Your spouse/partner
• A friend or family member
• An advocate
• Anyone who helps you feel supported

You don’t need permission. Just let the school know: “I’ll be bringing [name] to the meeting with me.”

6. Bring something to write with and on

Take notes during the meeting. You don’t have to capture every word – just key points:

• What interventions will be tried
• Who is responsible for what
• Timeline for next check-in
• Anything you don’t understand (write it down to ask about later)

Questions to Ask at the Meeting

You don’t have to ask all of these – pick the ones relevant to your situation. But having a list helps when your mind goes blank under stress.

Understanding the problem:

• What specific difficulties are you observing? Can you give me examples?
• When do these difficulties happen? (What time of day? What subjects? What situations?)
• What have you already tried? What were the results?
• How does my child’s performance compare to grade-level expectations?
• Are other students struggling with this too, or is this specific to my child?

Understanding the plan:

• What are the top 2-3 goals for the next 8-12 weeks?
• What specific supports, accommodations, or interventions are you recommending?
• How often will these supports happen? (Daily? Weekly? During which activities?)
• Who will provide these supports? (Teacher? Specialist? Aide?)
• What will this look like in practice? Can you walk me through a typical day with these supports in place?

Measuring progress:

• How will we know if this is working?
• What data will you collect? (Test scores? Behavior charts? Work samples?)
• How often will progress be measured?
• When will we meet again to review progress?
• What’s the plan if this approach isn’t working after a specific time period?

Your role:

• What can I do at home to support these goals?
• How will I know what’s happening at school?
• Should I expect homework adjustments? Communication from teachers?
• Who should I contact if I have questions or concerns between now and our next meeting?

If you disagree:

• I need time to think about this before making a decision. Can I have until [date] to respond?
• Can I get copies of all evaluation reports and proposed documents to review at home?
• I’d like to get a second opinion. What’s the process for an independent evaluation?
• What are my options if I don’t think this plan is appropriate for my child?
• Can we schedule a follow-up meeting in 2-4 weeks after I’ve had time to process this?

During the Meeting: What to Expect

Who will be there:

Typical attendees:

• General education teacher(s)
• Special education teacher or specialist
• School psychologist or evaluator (if discussing testing)
• Administrator or case manager
• Related service providers (speech therapist, OT, counselor) if relevant
• You (and anyone you brought)

Sometimes meetings feel overwhelming because there are many school staff and just one or two family members. That’s normal. Their job is to contribute their expertise – yours is to contribute knowledge of your child.

The meeting structure:

Most meetings follow a pattern:

1. Introductions (everyone states name and role)
2. Review of current performance or concerns
3. Discussion of evaluation results (if applicable)
4. Proposed goals, services, or accommodations
5. Questions and discussion
6. Agreement or disagreement on the plan
7. Signatures (if finalizing an IEP or 504 plan)

You can:

• Ask to slow down if things are moving too fast
• Request clarification on jargon or acronyms
• Take breaks if you need them
• Disagree respectfully
• Ask to continue the meeting another day if you need more time

After the Meeting: Follow-Up

1. Send a summary email

Within 24-48 hours, send a brief email summarizing your understanding:

“Thank you for meeting with me on [date] to discuss supports for [child]. My understanding is that:

• [Support 1] will begin on [date]
• [Person] will provide [service] [frequency]
• We will check progress via [method]
• Our next meeting is scheduled for [date]

Please let me know if I’ve misunderstood anything. I’m looking forward to seeing how these supports help [child].”

This creates a written record and catches any miscommunication early.

2. Request copies of all documents

You’re entitled to copies of:

• IEP or 504 plan
• Evaluation reports
• Meeting notes/minutes
• Any assessments or data discussed

If they don’t provide them at the meeting, request them in writing: “Please send me copies of all documents from our meeting on [date].”

3. Monitor implementation

The plan on paper means nothing if it’s not happening in practice.

Check in with your child:

• “Are you working with [specialist name]?”
• “Did your teacher give you [accommodation] today?”
• “How did [intervention] go?”

Check in with the school if needed:

• “I wanted to confirm that [support] started on [date] as discussed.”
• “My child mentioned [concern]. Can we talk about how [plan element] is being implemented?”

4. Track what you observe

Keep informal notes:

• Date
• What you observed or your child reported
• Questions that came up

This helps when you return for progress reviews.

When Things Go Wrong

If the school is unresponsive:

• Put all requests in writing via email
• Include specific dates: “I requested [X] on [date] and have not received a response.”
• Copy relevant administrators if the teacher/case manager isn’t responding
• Contact your state’s Parent Training and Information Center (PTI) for free guidance

If you fundamentally disagree with the plan:

• You can refuse to consent to an IEP (initial or changes)
• You can request an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE)
• You can file a complaint with your state education department
• You can request mediation or due process (formal dispute resolution)

These are escalation steps. Most situations don’t reach this point. But knowing your options helps you advocate confidently.

Meeting Tips: The Practical Stuff

Tone matters:

• Start with collaboration: “I’m hoping we can work together to help [child].”
• Ask questions rather than making accusations: “Can you help me understand why…?” vs. “You’re not doing your job.”
• Acknowledge effort: “I appreciate the time you’ve spent observing [child].”
• Be firm when needed: “I don’t agree with this plan, and here’s why.”

You don’t have to sign anything at the meeting:

• “I’d like to take this home and review it before signing.”
• “I want to consult with [advocate/doctor/family member] before deciding.”
• “Can we schedule a follow-up meeting next week after I’ve had time to process this?”

Emotional overwhelm is normal:

• It’s okay to cry, take breaks, or ask to reschedule
• Bring tissues, water, someone to support you
• If you get too emotional to think clearly, pause: “I need a few minutes.”

You’re allowed to change your mind:

• “I initially agreed to this, but after seeing how it’s working, I want to discuss changes.”
• IEPs and 504s aren’t set in stone – they’re living documents

Sample Meeting Agenda (You Can Request This Format)

If meetings feel chaotic, you can request this structure in advance:

1. Introductions (5 min)
2. Review of present levels/concerns (10 min)
3. Discussion of evaluation results (if applicable) (15 min)
4. Proposed goals and services (15 min)
5. Questions and clarifications (10 min)
6. Agreement on next steps (5 min)

Sending this ahead can help keep meetings focused and productive.

Remember

• You know your child better than anyone in that room
• You don’t have to be an expert in education law to advocate effectively
• Asking questions isn’t confrontational – it’s responsible parenting
• Collaboration works better than combat, but firmness is sometimes necessary
• You can always ask for more time, more information, or a second opinion

The goal isn’t winning an argument. The goal is making sure your child gets what they need to learn, grow, and feel safe at school.

Clear eyes. Kind hearts. Child first.